I sat in the mall playground this week and watched my son run around. I then had a mental flashback to the craziness—and joy—of the Glendale Galleria the week before Christmas as a kid.
Dad would treat Mark (my brother) and I to Orange Julius and hand us money to shop. We then spent the rest of the day walking by almost 200 stores, searching for perfect Christmas gifts. I usually bought mom some kind of sweater and Dad a tie. But they were just the right ones.
Mom and Dad are gone, my brother lives 3,000 miles away, and we sold my childhood home a couple years ago.
So, Christmas makes me cry.
Here are 3 Ways I am Learning to Grieve at Christmas:
Remember times with them.
I’m taking the time this season to remember. Even though tears come, remembering the good (as well as the hard) is helping me walk though grief rather than stuff it.
It is intriguing how much God wants his people to remember. The Jewish calendar is full of festivals and rituals of remembrance of who God is and what he’s done.
Remembering roots us, and reminds us who we are. It places us in the bigger story of our lives.
I remember that year mom and dad went through bankruptcy and we had very little money. All I wanted was guess jeans like the cool kids wore at school. Mom found a pair totally out of style at Salvation Army, but I didn’t care. I wore those things like a badge of honor.
Or the yearly tradition of watching It’s a Wonderful Life Christmas Eve—or how mom would wrap our Christmas stocking stuffers because she thought it was fun to have a bunch of small presents to open (it is!)
Remembering the good times is helping me feel gratitude even in the sorrow.
Enjoy Now.
Sometimes I look back or forward too much that I miss what is right in front of me: 3 kids and an awesome husband.
I’m learning this year to move more slowly. Pause. Bend over and look my kids in the face when they are talking. Keep more white space on our calendar for lingering moments or spontaneous games of hide ‘n seek.
Whatever the landscape of your life: young ones at home, young yourself, or maturing years—enjoy the people right in front of you. How can you connect? How can you slow down, reach out, make new memories?
Do Something They Would Enjoy
What was a favorite way your loved one enjoyed celebrating Christmas? Did they have a favorite holiday food? Song? Movie?
Did they attend a certain show every year? Volunteer some place? Donate or serve a cause?
One way helping me grieve this Christmas is watching cheesy holiday movies. Mom and I would have p.j. days, eat in her bed and watch girly movies.
So, this year, I’m pouring myself Martinelli’s Apple Cider (childhood fav) and watching Hallmark movies in my pj’s. Mom would be right next to me if she was here.
Bottom line, I think it’s okay to be both sad and joyful at Christmas. Both grieving and celebratory. Embrace where you are and look for those things to be thankful for.
